AI, write my essay!

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It was just another Friday morning, I was scrolling through my feed like every other Millennial trying to avoid work, deadlines and commitments when I stumbled into Chris D'elia podcast. For those who don’t know me and haven't kept up with the blog religiously, as you should, I would die for Chris D’elia. When I was in my early 20s and living in LA he was my light at the end of the tunnel, the flower that blooms when it stops raining, something poetic like that. I'm not saying that he isn't now, but I’ve become bitter with time and now… Well now I follow Tom Segura.

But my teenage obsession with Chris D’elia is not what I wanted to talk about, if you take the time to go and look up the last episode of his podcast you’ll find him reading a joke made by AI, not just a regular joke, a Chris D’elia joke, yes he did put his name as reference. 

The joke goes like this: You know what’s even worse than a mortgage? A mortgage on a haunted house. ‘Cause you know they’re not just gonna take your money, they’re gonna take your soul too, and then use it to pay their own mortgage. It's a never ending cycle of spooky payments!

I mean, kinda morbid and really bad joke, but AI nailed Chris D’elia’s way of writing jokes to the tee! All Chris D’elia fans out there, please support me on this.

Anyway, after this dreamy encounter that took me back to my scrunchy days, I had to go back to my morning and, most importantly, had to come up with an idea for my next article, and then it hit me. Let’s make AI write it for me. Let’s see if all those years in college spent writing essays were really just a big fat waste of time whereas I could’ve just copied from the Internet.

Let’s see AI, let’s see if you can write a good “A” essay worthy, actually I’d be content enough with a “B+”, but let’s stick to my guns.

So I went online and googled: “AI, write my essay”. I’m not that original with my google searches, never been, I like to be concise, Google has to know what I’m doing it for. For the people of course, not for me, what were you thinking? 

Anyway a bunch of stuff showed up, most of them, not to my surprise, are all paid sites, which I do appreciate, writing is still a form of art, a way to express yourself through words, not much else can compare, so it should be paid. But this Friday morning, I didn't feel like spending 20 bucks on anything other than postmates, so I kept on looking. And then there it was, I found one site that looked doable, and I clicked on it. 

It presents itself like a generator of things, it’s detailed and it’s divided in steps which again I appreciate, I like an organized essay; to my liking there’s also a section where you can select the tone of voice the AI will use for your essay, which to me is the most essential part. Now, I'm only missing one thing. What am I making the AI write about? 

Let’s go with the 2023 Oscar nominations, they were announced just a couple nights ago, and I’m putting down “hypocritical” as tone of voice, just because I’d like a spicy debate. 

And here it is.

The Academy Loves Nominating Bad Films

“The Academy's reputation for choosing bad films for awards has been growing for some time.The list of hilariously bad Oscar nominations for 2023 certainly speaks for itself. From a forgotten family flick to a long-forgotten horror film, the Academy bizarrely rewarded some of the worst films of the year. In all fairness, there were some decent, if highly forgettable, performances from some of the nominees, but nothing that justified the outrageous nominations. The most baffling Oscar nomination of 2023 went to "Rug Run," an animated film about a rag-tag team of animals embarking on an inner-city journey. Despite lackluster reviews and a distinct lack of audience interest, the film somehow managed to get a nomination for Best Animated Film. Even more confusing was the nomination for "The Hollows of the Black Sea," a critically panned creature feature that was largely ignored at the box office. Regardless of the quality of either film, they certainly do not deserve to be on the list of Oscar nominations!”

Okay, it can work. It flows easily, the spicy and irreverent tone is there and I really like it... There is just one problem that I can't help but notice. There is no movie called "Rug Run" nominated for the upcoming Oscars!

AI, do you want to get me fired?

By Miriam Gagino
Digital - category
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